1. Sorry, Usher. I have to respectfully disagree. I’m pretty sure dancing for money on a pole does make you a hoe.
2. This Thomas the Tank Engine wall poster is still hanging in my living room, more than a week after my son’s 3rd birthday party. ‘Effing Classy!
3. I would rather listen to Steve Earle sing Galway Girl than hear anything that Ariana Grande twit squeaks out. Seriously, who decided she should be a singer?
4. Sometimes I’m too lazy to remove my nail polish when it chips. Oh, who am I kidding? I never remove it. My nails are in a constant state of half-peeled, “what’s that shit on your nails?”
5. I print hundreds (if not thousands) of recipes, but always make the same handful of things for dinner.